moodiness. I have always been moody. I am frequently worried and anxious about things that don't necessarily warrant those feelings.
feelings. When I was 17, my grandma died and my family went to her funeral. I knew I was supposed to be sad. I understood why it was bad for her and others that she had died, but I really didn't feel anything. I really wanted to have the feelings that I thought I was supposed to have. I remember pretending to cry, and some people tried to comfort me, which made me very uncomfortable.
aloofness. My freshman year of college, I rushed a fraternity. At the very end of the process, I was told that the brothers were willing to have me as a member but there was doubt about whether I actually wanted to be in the fraternity. They sensed that I did not feel any enthusiasm for being in the fraternity, and they were probably right. But I stated that I did sincerely want to be in the fraternity, and that satisfied them. I think the conversation stuck with me, because I frequently do the right things and say the right things, but still come across the wrong way.
expression. I often have feelings that just don't "come out," so there's no way for other people to know how I'm feeling. I know what people who love each other do, how they treat each other. But I have great difficulty understanding the "emotion" of love.
About Me
- Geniferous
- grew up in Ang Lee's The Ice Storm, contemporary of Judd Apatow. Listened to Free to Be You and Me and Yellow Submarine countless times on a phonograph that could play 16⅔, 33⅓, 45 or 78 rpm records from the inside of a large console cabinet on the floor of my living room. John Lennon was assassinated, the 1980's began, and I went through puberty. On late night radio, random people asked Dr. Ruth all variety of questions about sex. She asked, "Do you masturbate?" If the caller said yes, she gleefully exclaimed "Gut!" in Yiddish, and then took the next call. Went to college, abroad, grad school, work and more grad school. Married, started a new career and had kids. Decided that like Jung at age 37, my time for individuation had arrived. I'm ISTJ according to Myers-Briggs; I'm a five according to Enneagram; I experience "flow" as described by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. I read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, but surely there must be more to it than cleaning one's closets. And what is "love" anyway? After one of my children was diagnosed with mild Asperger's, on September 24, 2010, I heard Tim Page on the radio say that he figured it out after his son was diagnosed. Oh.
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